I still have him.

Recently God has called me to relocate my life. What goes hand-in-hand with moving is the fact that I have to purge my belongings. For the past couple weeks, I have been purging my things, getting rid of practically everything. I have made at least four Goodwill trips-what?! It’s borderline ridiculous how much of a compulsive hoarder I am.

Amidst the purge, I came across many things that I sat there and thought through the memories that were paired with the item. I found notes and cards of dear life-long friendships, lids to tupperware containers I do not even have, some socks I have been missing(no one ever knows where the other sock goes), a $10 bill, and lastly a box full of journals of essentially the past nine years of my life. I had to laugh at myself. I began flipping through them, realizing I would write and only fill up half the journal and then begin a new one… I MAY be slightly addicted to journals.

I eagerly thumbed through one of my prettiest journals I received as a gift and started skimming over the pages of my past.

My spirit began to   f a i n t.

It was in that moment that I heard Him say gently,

“Janelle, get rid of it.”

I shut the journal and closed my eyes. I was immediately flooded with memories of circumstances that God had led me out of and had healed my soul from wounds that were so deep only He could fill.

“Get rid of it all,” He said again.

He is SO loving with me. He showered with me with His presence in that moment. He told me He is performing a NEW work in me. The old has gone, the new has come. GET RID OF IT.

So…I did. I threw it all out. Years of journaling. I always thought that if something would happen to me it would be nice for someone to have my journals(Sorry if that seems morbid.) I also previously thought it would be good to turn back through the pages to remember His faithfulness. To some degree? Yes. But the more I thought, the more I realized those journals are not a definition of myself.

The purge continued. Like I said, I am a hoarder. Maybe that is the teacher in me? But I obeyed. After the journals I just kept going. Got rid of my furniture. Got rid of Christmas decor. These are just some of my favorite things.

All that to say, it just got me thinking about where I place my value. I am part of God’s family and not of this world.  I am just passing through. A stranger. An alien. Things like my job, my belongings, etc. do not define me. HE DOES. The things of this world pass away and are WORTHLESS in the end. They carry NO weight or value when it comes to my final Destination-Heaven.

In the beginning of this process when there were many challenges that I was facing, a close friend asked me, “Janelle, what makes you the happiest in life?” I responded, “Jesus. He is unchanging. My Rock. My Joy. My Father who loves me.”

“Then if this does or doesn’t work it, you still have HIM. Rest in that,” she said.

As of yesterday, I have about a car load to my name. It is weird. I do not have somewhere to call home. My comforts are dwindling. The living-life moments I have with dear brothers and sisters in Christ are in the last days. Relationships I have at work whom I have a deep respect for are coming to a close. I am turning the chapter with mentoring relationships/conversations with some of my favorite people. The tears have started in the little moments of laughter or sharing memories on a porch with friends. It’s so surreal.

I still have Him, and that is what solely matters. He is all I need.

2 thoughts on “I still have him.

  1. Thank you for sharing. I pray for courage to do the same in my life and your testimony shows me that I can and that there is hope.


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