put your hands up, single ladies


Dear Single Girl,

To be sincerely honest, I was never a huge fan of Valentines day.

The giant life-size teddy bears.

The dozen roses.

The chocolates.

(Side-bar: I dislike chocolate, unless it is combined with peanut butter. Or very small doses, like chocolate chips. I am just more of a Haribo gummy bear kind of girl.)

The love notes.

The heart-shaped pizzas.

Flooding pics on insta and the book of sappy couples.

The expectations that some women have on ONE given day.

I mean, the list goes on and on. I’m sure you have a couple things you can think of that drives YOU crazy. I wondered WHY I have had such of a bad taste in my mouth about it, and I came to the conclusion that I had this preconceived idea that it was all about me. Let me explain…

It is easy to come into a day such as today, Valentines Day, and reflect. It is either a day of reflecting on what you DO or what you DO NOT have. If you are like me, I always focused on what I didn’t have, and essentially, I was a big, mope walking around. I was missing all of it. We do the school/work thing, come home and binge on netflix while scrolling through and switching back and forth between social media accounts comparing our lives to something that is fake. We hope that God “drops” a mate in our laps and we have this “A-HA” moment and just “know” that we are going to marry this guy. Single Lady Friends…We are missing it.

I have three things I want to encourage you with:

  1. You will never be able to love someone until you learn to love yourself.

Mark 12:31 says, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” 

What does it look like to love my neighbor as myself? We need to learn how to love ourselves. I know that most of the time, I am my biggest critic. I need to give myself a little more grace. I am way to hard on myself over the smallest things. God has created me to be ME and to fulfill a role that I have been prepared for and He has prepared for me. No one else can do what I have been called to do. He formed me in my mothers womb. He knows how many hairs are on my head. He has created me beautifully and wonderfully. Simply put, we need to have the confidence and believe that God has created us in this very way. Otherwise, it will be carried over into our relationships and that will always hold us back from relentlessly loving one another. It will hinder fruit from coming out and will give off an unpleasant aroma that is filled with insecurities, lies, unreasonable expectations, and frustration with our current “status” or situation. I know that I cannot fully love someone in a relationship until I know how deeply loved I am by God.

  1. God loves you.

I know that this sounds cliché, but it is absolutely, 100% true. The older we get, the more baggage we gain. It seems like we are in and out of relationships wondering when all the “no’s” will finally point to the “yes”.  We have been hurt, and we have scars to prove it. We have been manipulated and controlled in relationships without even knowing it. We have things that haunt us from the past that never seem to go away, no matter how bad we want to heal from the situation.

Sisters, WE ARE LOVED BY GOD. This is the HOPE that we are always able to come back to when we are taunted by the past. When feelings and thoughts of low self-worth or insecurities rise, we must remember that these are lies from the enemy to doubt that God is good and wants the absolute best for us. When the horrific memories come back or hit you at a time you are weak, REMEMBER that you are not defined by those “bad apples”. We also cannot beat ourselves up for pursuing our own way and allowing these bad relationships in our lives. They are part of our story to remind us how faithful God is and how he protects us from what is toxic in our lives. God desires that intimate, love relationship with you that IS your “forever”. Even if you get married, that man should never be the end goal. The end goal is Jesus and the reciprocated pursuit of each other.

  1. Your now determines your later.

STOP SITTING AND START LIVING. Girls, I am just going to get real here. Stop complaining and start doing something with your life. We all have those single friends that talk about wanting to be married every single time you’re together. They are defined by their singleness. They believe that their lives have not yet begun. They mope around and complain constantly (this points to the heart issue of not believing that God has remembered you).Do you live a life that someone else wants to join? Is your life intriguing enough where guys are pounding on your door wanting to do life with you? OR, again, are you a netflix binge-watcher waiting for L<3VE to fall in your lap? What better of a time, now in our singleness, to become who we want to be. This thought has really challenged me in many different areas of my life, especially with the habits I have, bad and good. Whether it be being diligent in the Word, working out, getting crafty, learning new skills, etc., we need to remember that we may not have the time later to pursue the things that we have always wanted to do. “Marriage is not a promise; its a gift.” Girls, we will be 40…50…yes, I am pulling it, 60 if we continue on this path of not being wise stewards of what God has blessed us with in every way- our emotions, our lives, our time, our resources. What are you doing to be faithful in the here and now for it to engrave in you for the later?

So girls, what will you be doing today? Eating a box of chocolates while watching a chick-flick, crying your eyes out and thinking about what you don’t have?  Or are you going to start hoping, believing and living… #likeagirl.


A girl who doesn’t want to waste her life

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