Growing up I often heard phrases from my family and friends like, “Janelle, you’re not listening” or “Janelle, for the hundredth time…” Every time I would hear these responses, insecurity flood into the deepest parts of who I am. No matter how hard I tried, I still had difficulty focusing and maintaining my attention to the person or situation right in front of me. I am going to share what a day in my shoes looks like. Maybe you can relate as I share my heart with you. Also, I hope this doesn’t scare you away. HA! ADD is not an excuse. It’s an explanation. So here it goes.
1. Projects take me twice as long to finish.
When I have to tackle a project, I will get distracted during the process and it takes me double the amount of time it would have taken me if I stuck to one task. For example, cleaning my room is a week long project. You may ask, “Why?” I walk into my room and have the plan to clean it, and boy, do I clean it. I start with hanging up the clothes on the floor after not finding the right outfit, leaving my entire closet on the floor, basically. Before finishing the clothes on the floor, I start noticing some being clean and dirty. I then leave my clothes on the floor to begin sorting through all my dirty laundry by lights, darks, and colors (I am a little OCD when it comes to my laundry). I go to start my laundry by putting the first load in the washer only to realize I probably should strip the bed to throw it in with my load of lights. I start the washer and go to change the sheets. As I am stripping the bed, I notice the place on my nightstand where the sheets made a line through the dust. Gosh. I push pause on stripping the bed and go grab cleaning supplies from the hall closet to clean my night stand. I go into the kitchen to snag the cleaning supplies under the kitchen sink and notice I didn’t do the dishes from the night before. So of course I get that done. Walk back to my room to see the mess and remember why I went into the kitchen. Go back, get the supplies and before you know it, I have taken everything off the surfaces in my room to do a thorough dusting. Dangit! The washer paused – totally forgot to finish the load by throwing my sheets in. I finish stripping my bed and throw my sheets in. I’m exhausted as I walk back in my room to see everything on the floor. At least my dressers are sparkling and clean. So pretty. 🙂 *Phone rings- one of my friends wants to hang out. DEAG. That’s what I say. “Drop everything and go.” So I do, only to come back to the mess hours later, not wanting to do any of it. Eventually I finish ALL the half-started projects in my room. But for example, you see why ONE project takes a while because I do about fifty others in the process. Take this blog for example… It’s taken me a couple days because I hit a wall and have to go do something else.
What I do: Create checklists and push myself to work through the list in a methodical way to prevent jumping around and causing unnecessary stress. We all have enough of stress in our lives and do NOT need to create more of it.
2. Perfectionism is wired into me.
Many people are perfectionists, but for me, I always try to do things right the first time so I don’t have to trickle back to it again. I have the biggest problem when I make mistakes. It is hard for me to admit that I was wrong as it was probably a project I spent hours on end working on. This also trickles into my personality. Typically when around different crowds it’s easy to display a different person. Not necessarily that I am two-faced, but I would say that it’s an act to please the person I am with instead of being confident in who I am. I attempt to live up the expectations and standards of others at its finest, only to find that my behaviors affect my not being completely true to myself.
What I do: Pray and stay rooted in who GOD says you are and not get carried away with pleasing people. If I am struggling with confidence or self-worth, I tend to look up verses on the word “secure” or “confident” and read through them, sometimes read a chapter where the verse is drawn from. If something stands out I will jot it on a post-it note and post-it in places I will see it. This is a daily practice in writing God’s words in my heart.
3. Procrastination is my drug.
This is the motto I live by. I work well under pressure. What can I say? All throughout high school and college, with projects I had very little to no interest in, I would wait until the crunch to hammer it out. Completing work in this way would cause some errors as I wasn’t being thorough with checking things over after I would finish it. For the most part, the pressure helps as I plug in my earphones, listen to some tunes, and get things DONE. Go back to “Number 1” to find out what happens if I give myself a ton of time to finish a task. Even though this is the way I tend to gravitate towards, I’m not condoning it. I am just providing you with the “why”.
What I do: If I know that I have a big project ahead, I will make benchmarks to help me get to the big picture. Maybe this is where the teacher in me comes out. With knowing the goal of where I need to get to, I take steps by preparing short objectives for me to obtain so I am not overwhelmed and get burnt out, lose desires and passions, etc. If you’d like me to help you with this, I’d love to help! Kick me a message.
4. Planning is necessary.
I have to write every commitment down in my schedule. Every morning I wake up, my mind begins the marathon, not the morning two-mile jog like normal people. Because of my mind racing, I have a hard time paying close attention to details or the little things in life that may seem second nature to some, like leaving my sunroof open. Haha. Same goes with my commitments. I love being with people and scheduling to be with them. People like me have a hard time sticking to a schedule because we unintentionally overcommit.
What I do: If I do not write things in a planner or on my post-it notes, I WILL forget. I usually take a trip to Target, duh, and buy a cute planner and colored pens to make it fun. I use this to plan out my goals and jot down commitments as they pop up each week. I also plug it into the calendar (and set a reminder) on my phone so that I REALLY don’t forget.
5. People are annoyed and frustrated easily with me.
I have earned the nickname of Dory. With my mind racing all the time, I have difficulty keeping details straight, or even worse I’ll ask you a question you have already provided an answer for to me. People get so frustrated with me about this. Let me explain a little. It’s not that I don’t care or I am thinking about what I am going to say next. I literally have a lack of control of my wandering thoughts. If I were to ask you a question, and you give a detailed response, I can’t say that I will be with you the whole time. Some days I am super focused and taking it all in. Other days, my mind is rabbit trailing off what you said. In fact, if you have heard me ask a question to you and say, “…or have you already told me that?” my mind indeed rabbit trailed, again unintentionally. For instance, we are having coffee. You mention a new coffee shop you tried out with your boyfriend. My mind may or may not hear what you say after that. This is the mental run I go on:
I’m trying to picture where that coffee shop is.
With her boyfriend, aw. So sweet. I love that he took her there.
I wonder how long they have been dating for.
Wait he doesn’t like coffee. He just took her there because she does.
Good guy. Props.
I am really glad she found a guy that treats her right. Very rare.
Hmmm. I actually hate my steak rare. I like it well-done.
Man, steak sounds awesome right now.
I am actually really hungry.
I have literally missed the past minute and have no idea what she is talking about.
*Waits for a pause in conversation*
Are you hungry? Let’s go snag some food somewhere.
For those of you who KNOW me have experienced this first hand. I only share this with you so you know I try to stick with you, but it’s a steep progression away from the person talking in front of me that causes me to miss a lot in my relationships. It’s not that I don’t care. Every part of me cares for the person in front of me. I just have no control over these thoughts as they are going through my mind a mile a minute. Maybe that’s why I hit a wall at 8pm and want to go straight to bed. I am mentally exhausted.
What I do: Get a fidget spinner. Just kidding. I am actually opposed to them. I actually don’t have an answer. Maybe it’s what you can do. Be patient, be kind. I am trying my hardest to be intentional in my listening.